i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
