Jerry, you need to find god
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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