you have to choose: penises or morals?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
