Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
