Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize