from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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