i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
