Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
