would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
