haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
