I like to think it a success when the cops are called
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
