She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
