While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
