You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
