I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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