I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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