youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
