i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
