can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
