Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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