I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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