Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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