I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
