the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Please don't give away my fajitas
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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