We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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