she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
