Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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