i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
