thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
