I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
