she woke up with a sticky ear
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Rumble strips road head = magical
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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