i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
