I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
