so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My vagina just recognized that song.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
