whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
