Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
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