I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
