I am in a vortex of obligation.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
