The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
