Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize