I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
