tell your sister to shave her snatch
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
