i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
