It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
