Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
As shirtless as possible
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
