I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
