Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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