Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
