Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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