my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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