Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
