I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
