jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Someone signed my nipple.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
