i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
