watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
