The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
