he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
