Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
