just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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