I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
