Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize