I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
