my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I will be naked everywhere
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
