So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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