Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So drunk its hurt
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize