O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
