I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
