I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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