cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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