i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
