Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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