story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize