I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
wanna go halves on a baby?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
