no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
