i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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