No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize