Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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