I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
