we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
