Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
