I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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