Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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