he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
