you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
