My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
