He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize