just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
