I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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