That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
His hands were made for my vagina.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
