Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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