she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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