it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
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