so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
