I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
