she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
