Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
