Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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