Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You can't just leave with hair like that
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize