I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
