saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
