i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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