im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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