This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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