Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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